Choices
by gluegirl56
Summary: During Joseph's recovery everyone has a lot to contemplate. Set after S11 episode 'Locked Away'. Basically the aftermath. Jac/Joseph/Linden/Faye I hope you enjoy and, please, don't hesitate to review!


Holby City – Choices

_Disclaimer:_ Holby City is not my creation and doesn't belong to me. I just want to play around with a few wonderful characters for a while.

_Characters:_ Mainly Joseph/Jac

_Genre:_ Hurt/comfort, angst, romance, drama

_Time/Spoilers:_ Set in season 11/Locked Away (tag)

I've only seen up until season twelve. So glad I discovered the re-runs.

_Summary:_ During Joseph's recovery everyone has a lot to contemplate.

_Beta:_ molly2012 – thank you

OOOOOO

**Chapter One – Still Alive **

Disorientation was the first that came to mind, then, as he gradually awakened, he sensed something was urgent but he couldn't point a finger on it. Forcing heavy eyelids open his dull eyes took in the surroundings of the ITU before settling on Faye. She sat smiling beside him, gently stroking his arm. Her relaxed stance told him everything he needed to know at the moment so he smiled back, a faint smile – strained – but a smile nevertheless.

"Sleep, Joseph, you're going to be fine," she whispered softly. "It must have been terrible in there."

He nodded slightly, fighting to stay fully awake.

"Whatever is on your mind right now is not as important as rest. We can talk later," Faye assured him in a comforting voice.

Her argument sounded reasonable but something at the back of his mind told him there was something else going on. Then he suddenly remembered what had transpired before.

"Jac," Joseph croaked out, his voice, to Faye's dismay, laced with concern.

The smile turned into a wry grimace for a moment but she took his hand and squeezed it. "She's fine. Don't worry about her, or the patient for that matter," Faye said.

"I just…" He trailed off wearily, his eyes closing.

"Sleep, Joseph, you'll be all right, thank goodness, but not overnight," Faye explained. "I have been worried sick about you…" It was her time to trail off, seeing as his eyelids fluttered open at the words spoken.

Something dark crossed his pale blue eyes for a fleeting moment but then it was gone. He studied her for a moment, seeing the tiredness in her pose, and hearing the exasperation in her voice that she tried to hide from him.

"Faye," he whispered, fighting the urge to cough. "I…" He sucked on the air but choked on it as his irritated airways tickled, finally giving in to a coughing fit that left his throat raw and sore.

"Here," Faye said softly as she carefully placed a glass of water in front of his pale lips and gently steadied his head with her other hand.

The cold liquid soothed his throat and he greedily accepted the offer, disappointed when she took it away from him the moment later.

"It's enough," the ward sister cautioned seriously. She was still concerned for him.

Faye placed the half empty glass on the nightstand next to the bed and gently pushed Joseph back down so that his head once again rested firmly on the pillow. "I love you, Joseph, don't ever do this to me again," she said as she placed a gentle kiss on his flushed cheek.

He only nodded in response, too exhausted to mumble an answer.

OOOOOO

Jac Naylor let a single tear escape her eye as she stepped out of the cubicle, having received the word that she was clear and ready to go.

So many feelings had surfaced during the hours in theatre. So many true words had been spoken that it had exhausted her.

"_I will never feel for anyone else what I feel for you."_ The words echoed at the back of her head. And they had been true words. Joseph held a special place in her heart and he had, even though reluctantly, admitted that he still cared for her, loved her even.

That was the main reason it felt so wrong to leave him tonight. Especially to leave him with Faye, whom she knew would be at his side.

Jac would never understand what he saw in the ward sister. He'd revealed to her that he'd wanted an uncomplicated marriage and Faye was anything but uncomplicated. Her past, even her present, seemed muddled with things.

She cleared her sore throat, feeling the urge to cough, a tickle vibrating through her throat. Hurrying into the locker room she quickly snatched a fresh water bottle from the counter, not caring who it belonged to, and crashed on the sofa, alone with her thoughts in the room. She gulped down the cold liquid and closed her eyes, resting her head on the headrest.

"Jac? Are you okay?" Elliot's soft voice carried over the room as the door swung open.

The CT registrar jumped. Her eyes snapped open at the sound, and then relaxed as she saw the consultant.

"Give a little warning next time," she cautioned wearily.

"I thought you'd gone home by now," he said concerned. "You are cleared, aren't you? I'm surprised they didn't keep you in for observation."

"I'm fine, Elliot. Its Joseph you should be concerned about," Jac responded with a sigh, rubbing her tired eyes, hoping he didn't notice she'd been crying before.

"Actually I've just come from ITU. Connie has practically taken over his care, despite Mr. Robinson's protests," he said with a wry smile.

"Mr. Robinson? That would be Alex Robinson, the locum registrar from AAU that came from St. James last week?" Jac asked curiously.

"Exactly," Elliot replied. "He's managed to rub her the wrong way I'm afraid."

Jac couldn't help but smile, then sobered. "I'm surprised Linden isn't involved," she let on sourly.

"He is," Elliot clarified. "He was among the first to arrive."

"I bet," Jac muttered, suddenly in a foul mode.

Elliot let it pass, judging it to be the strain of the day. But he suddenly grew curious as to why Jac seemed to dislike the AAU Consultant. "Is there anything you need? Can I give you a lift home?" he asked kindly.

"I can manage, Elliot, but thanks for the offer," she said, hesitating before continuing. "I have some things I need to tend to here first."

"If it's about the patient that you operated on, I've taken over the case," he assured her. "Just go home, Jac, and rest."

With that he gave her a sad smile and grabbed one of the biscuits, in a box, on the table in front of her. "Take the day off tomorrow and another couple too. You'll need it," he said as he turned to walk out on the ward again.

OOOOOO

Linden Cullen sighed as he leaned backwards in his office chair. Everything had quietened down during the last hour as it grew late and they'd gotten their people out of theatre. Luckily, even the AAU seemed somewhat quiet for a change. Not much had come his way for a while.

He thought back on Faye's sad face and the worry she had for Joseph. He'd seen it in her eyes that she'd been terrified of losing him. Linden failed to see all the things Faye saw in Joseph. The CT registrar was a good guy but he had issues. Linden had seen them first hand during their trip abroad to find Faye.

Then there was Jac and her twisted way of loving Joseph. Because, as far as he was concerned, she did love Joseph. Linden just despised the way she did it. The way she did everything to hurt Joseph and cause a rift between him and Faye. He would never understand her, but then again who was he to judge? He had feelings for Faye, he couldn't deny it. He didn't really want to.

If anyone had any idea how many times he'd contemplated telling her how he felt. How drawn he felt towards her. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to break up what Faye and Joseph had. Instead he wisely kept his feelings locked away and tried the best he could to provide support for her when she needed it. Today had been such a day and he'd been grateful, yet conflicted, when she had wanted his reassurances.

Linden sighed as he got up from his chair and headed out the door to the corridor, moving through the hospital until he finally landed outside the bays of the ITU.

Through the glass he saw Joseph, fast asleep. "You're a lucky guy, Joseph," he said bemusedly. "Things could have gone so much worse."

OOOOOO

Jac came to a halt in the corridor as she spotted Linden Cullen a bit further down, obviously studying the sick CT registrar through the windows.

She stepped into the shadows, not wanting to be seen, not wanting him to give her away to Faye. She was tired, bone tired, yet she lingered. Jac needed to see one person for herself, to make sure he was okay before she left for the day.

To her relief Linden didn't walk in to check on Joseph, instead the AAU Consultant studied him a moment longer before quietly walking away.

Jac wasted no time. She walked briskly towards the room and slid her key card in the locked door to grant her access, silently hoping Faye wouldn't be there now.

The room was dimmed and Joseph was alone – normally there would have been three occupied beds. She hesitated as the door closed behind her. He looked so peaceful in his sleep and she felt like she was intruding, but she silently walked over to him and quickly checked the monitors, making sure his stats were slowly returning to normal, before she collapsed in a visiting chair next to him.

"I meant every word, Joseph," she said softly, her voice no more than a whisper.

There was no reply, no indication whatsoever that he'd heard her but she smiled anyway, remembering his words in theatre. _"It's not the same kind of love…"_ he'd said diplomatically when she'd asked if he loved Faye and in that instant she knew he was making a mistake. She'd tried to tell him that but he wouldn't listen.

Joseph was intent on having a relationship with Faye, yet he'd admitted that he still loved her, Jac.

She let a nervous chuckle escape her lips. "It's funny, it's so simple now," she whispered, looking at his pale face. "I love you. I will not shut you out or hurt you this time."

"Always…hurt," Joseph said in a weak voice.

Jac once again failed to hold back her tears as pale blue eyes looked up at her. "I didn't mean…" she said regrettably.

"Deep down…I know, Jac," he said, fighting sleep and failing miserably. "But we've had our time," he mumbled, drifting off again.

"No," she said, unable to accept his answer as she lifted her gaze, her eyes flickering around the room as a single tear escaped her stinging eyes.

Jac Naylor had thrown it away; thrown it all away. She looked at the man lying in the hospital bed before her. His handsome features were ruffled by the events of the day, a day that had nearly cost him his life. A day where she had realized what was really important in her life; the day when she had been strong enough to tell him. A love that hurt them both in different ways.

OOOOOO

Ward Sister Faye Morton drew a shaky breath and smiled at Dr. Rose as she met him at the elevators.

"Faye," he said kindly, taking in her weary features. "Everything all right?"

"It will be," she replied, stepping into the elevator, following the chief anesthetist. "I'm sorry for Nick and Maryanne."

Paul sighed. "I wish that idiotic son had told Chrissie and Elliot earlier, perhaps something could have been done to prevent this meaningless death," he said with an undertone of anger and frustration.

She nodded, having no real word for the loss of the anesthetic nurse they had lost. It was horrible. She didn't deserve to die because someone else hide the truth, trying to get around the system, protecting someone else.

"Is Joseph okay?" Rose asked, studying Faye's tired face.

"He's in ITU, finally breathing on his own again," she let on, feeling the tears threating to spring from her eyes once again by the mere thought of Joseph lying intubated on the stretcher.

Paul pursed his lips. "Nasty products, toxic. That driver should be persecuted for carrying it," he said as the elevator door opened on the ground floor. "Give Joseph my best."

Faye smiled appreciatively with a nod at her colleague as he stepped out and headed for the exit. She sighed deeply as she steered toward the coffee shop.

Martha Hope turned around at the sound of footsteps echoing in the deserted hall of the Wyern Wing's entrance. Her coffee cup was half empty by now. "Faye," she said softly. "How are you doing?"

"I'm not the one lying in a hospital bed, Martha," she returned diplomatically as she stepped up to the counter to order a strong cup of coffee.

"No, I'm sorry, I know," she said sheepishly. "I know how it is to stand by and watch, and hope."

Faye nodded. "I'm sorry Martha, I didn't mean to be rude. It's just that this day…"

"No offence taken," Elliot's daughter replied with a caring smile. "I don't really know what I'm still doing here, forget my ramblings. I never expected Ben would get sick, this was really not how I envisioned our trip back to England."

Faye paid for her coffee and then turned around to face Martha, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder in a comforting gesture. "It's natural to be worried about the ones you love," she said gently.

Martha sighed.

"I'm sure Ben will be all right," Faye said, and motioned for Martha to have a seat opposite her as she tiredly sat down at a cafeteria table.

"Dad haven't had time to chat but I can see it in his eyes that he's really disappointed in me," Martha explained unhappily.

Faye looked down in her cup then made a grimace, which turned into a smirk, as she looked up at Martha. "Give him some time. It's not every day your children shows up and tells you they're happily married," she reasoned.

Martha smiled uncertainly. "I know but Ben and I, we love each other," she replied, but something in her voice told Faye she was having doubts.

No one said anything for a while, they just sat there in silence. Then Martha spoke up again. "Listen, I think Joseph is a lucky guy to have found you," she said suddenly, her mood brightening.

"Yes," the ward sister returned, nonplussed, yet surprised.

"Joe is going to be all right isn't he?" Martha added worriedly.

Faye nodded. "Yes, he is," she replied.

"Do you mind if I sit with him for a while? Just a little while?" the younger woman asked.

"Of course not, but please Martha, not long. He's quite weak," Faye said kindly.

Martha nodded and rose from the chair to disappear toward the staircase, no doubt heading directly for the ITU.

Faye glanced after her with a raised eyebrow. She didn't really know Martha that well but she knew Joseph did and also that Jac seemed to dislike her. She found herself wondering why. Then in a weak moment she thought perhaps Martha had fancied Joseph but then ironically chuckled. 'No,' she admonished herself. Joseph and Martha had never seen each other that way.

OOOOOO

CT Consultant Elliot Hope reached for the phone in his office. He closed his hand around it, then hesitated. He stared at it for a while before finally deciding to pick it up. He was to contact Joseph's next of kin, Anne-Marie Byrne. It had been a while since they had talked, out there in the park. He remembered it clearly, the expression on her face when he had told her he wouldn't be able to make another commitment to a woman the way he had with Gina.

Elliot did like Anne-Marie, he really did, but it wasn't fair to her either to continue their close friendship. She had hoped for something more, and for a while he had thought he could give it to her, but he hadn't been able to. She was a striking woman, and goodhearted too, but he knew he couldn't have a relationship with her. He had been angry with Joseph for quite some time after he'd found the CT registrar, and son of Anne-Marie Byrne, kissing his own daughter. This was kind of the same. Ironically, after he'd found out Martha had now married a photographer in the heat of the moment back in the USA, he wished he'd allowed Martha and Joseph to take their friendship to another level if they'd wanted to.

"Are you in there, Elliot?" Connie Beauchamp asked dryly, yet concerned, as she stepped forward to stand opposite him. "You have been staring at your phone for quite some time."

Elliot looked up, surprised at finding his colleague glaring at him. "Yes," he smiled sheepishly. "Yes, of course."

Connie frowned skeptically, hands in the pockets of her chinos as she moved over to take a seat behind her desk.

"It's just that I…" Elliot began and then shook his head as Connie raised an impeccable eyebrow. "Never mind."

The Head of the CT ward opened her mouth to say something when the beeper went off. With a sigh she reached for it and narrowed her eyes, seeing she was wanted in the ITU. "I better go," she said, clarifying why with one word; "ITU."

"Joseph?" Elliot said, concern evident on his face.

"I hope not," she called over her shoulder as she walked out of their shared office.

Once again alone, the CT Consultant reached for the phone and picked it up. He dialled the number he'd been given and sat down heavily on his chair, his legs feeling weak all of a sudden.

At the fourth ring a woman answered, but it wasn't Mrs. Byrne. _"Sophia Brandon, the Byrne Residence?" _

Elliot hesitated. "Ah, hello, my name is Elliot Hope and I'm a CT Consultant at Holby City Hospital. I need to speak to Anne-Marie Byrne. Is she there?" he asked.

"_No, my mother is on a cruise ship in the Bahamas,"_ the woman said with an undertone of confusion.

"Your mother?" Elliot said slowly, as if deep in thought. "Look, Mrs. Brandon, do you know how I can reach her? It concerns Joseph."

"_Little brother?"_ Sophia asked worriedly. _"Has something happened?"_

"It's a long story," Mr. Hope began wearily. He had had no idea that Joseph even had a sister.

"_Look, I've been abroad for quite some time, but I love my little brother so please tell me he's all right and I'll get a hold of mother,"_ Sophia said.

OOOOOO

Nurse Daisha Anderson smiled happily for the first time in days as she walked with light steps toward the locker room. Her sister had suddenly turned up at the ward and she hadn't realized just how much she had missed her, or the rest of her family, while giving birth to her son. Mark had been breathing down her neck since she had taken her baby boy home, fussing and worrying about her. She couldn't help but feel little Joe didn't belong to her, and Mark didn't exactly help things along by trying to force her to open up.

Daisha couldn't afford having Joe. She'd tried to think of a solution that she could cope with but none had presented itself. There was a time when she had been tempted to take the check Joseph Byrne had written for her, but then Ward Sister Faye Morton had told her it was the wrong thing to do. Joseph had been so kind to her both before, during and after the child had been born – although she had never imagined that the little boy would be delivered in the elevator with a slightly nervous CT registrar as the caretaker. Without even realizing it, she had walked past the locker room and down the corridors to the ITU, which happened to be on the same floor. She stopped at the closed doors to bay three and gazed at the occupant at the bed in the middle – one Joseph Byrne.

Daisha sighed, shuddering involuntarily. She had been frightened as the news of what had transpired during the day in Darwin theatre two had unfolded to the rest of the hospital. She didn't go into the room as she didn't want to disturb him. He looked so peaceful where he lay and she knew he had had one crappy day. However, she spared a moment to watch the monitors he had been hooked up to, just to make sure he was indeed all right.

She felt sorry for him, lying there in bed, completely exhausted, his skin clammy and pale. However, she thought that she would rather see him like that than visit him in the morgue. She'd heard how close he had come to dying today.

"Get well, Joseph," Daisha said softly, a faint smile on her otherwise somber face. "I like to tell you all the things little Joe does that drives his mother crazy."

OOOOOO

Anne-Marie Byrne let out a sob as she put down the phone and stared out of the window back at the hotel on Bahamas. The cruise ship sailed away from her, setting its course toward the colorful horizon in the sunset. Had it been any other day she would have enjoyed the view but now all she could think of was her son, Joseph. Sophia had called and given her the news. Elliot had told her Joseph was going to be okay but, not too long ago, the doctor's had said the same about Harry. She wouldn't rest until she had seen Joseph herself and made sure with her own eyes that he really was going to be all right.

Anne-Marie glanced at the packed bags standing at the door and then headed for the bathroom to freshen up. She had another couple of minutes before the cab would arrive and take her to the airport.

"Oh, Joseph," she whispered softly to herself as she walked up to stand opposite the mirror, her eyes moist. "Please, be okay."

OOOOOO

Martha glanced at her watch as she stepped out of the staircase – it was close to midnight. She walked through dimmed corridors and hesitated as she ended up at the ITU. She reached for the door handle and discovered that the room was locked. Martha bit her lower lip in frustration and then looked up expectantly as a night shift nurse walked up to her.

"Can I help you?" the male nurse asked curiously.

"I wanted to talk to Joseph," she said. "To the patient in there – Mr. Byrne."

"I'm sorry but visiting hours are long over," he returned.

"Just for a little while," Martha tried hopefully.

"I'll check up on him," a familiar voice called from behind.

Elliot smiled slightly at his daughter before addressing the nurse. "I'll take it from here," he assured the man.

"Of course, Mr. Hope," he returned politely before sauntering off.

"Thanks dad," she said.

The CT Consultant smiled, slightly amused, looking at her over the rim of his glasses. "Martha, what are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

"I don't know. I didn't feel like going home and I…" she trailed off and looked at him sadly, unsure. "I can't stand to sit with Ben at the moment, I love him but – he worries me so much."

Elliot nodded in understanding and gently placed his hand on her shoulder and she leaned toward him, feeling the need for his comfort.

There was a silence, a comfortable silence, before Martha sighed and took a step away from her dad. "I needed perspective I guess, and I wanted to talk to Joe, still do," she said, her eyes almost pleading for him to let her in.

Elliot raised his hands in surrender but he smiled and slid his keycard in the lock. "Martha, Joseph's had one crappy afternoon, he needs his rest," he cautioned.

His daughter nodded but her attention had shifted at the moment they stepped through the doorway. Martha carefully, with light steps, walked the small distance to Joseph's bed.

Mr. Hope quickly assessed his registrar's vitals and took in the worn appearance of the man. His medically trained eye quickly caught the faint lines of exhaustion and pain creasing his face. For a while back there, after Maryanne had died in the theatre, he had seriously doubted whether Joseph and Jac would be able to fight off the toxins.

Martha slipped into the visiting chair beside Joseph as Elliot called on her attention. "Not too long," he mouthed before taking one last glance at the stats and silently walking out the door.

Martha sighed as her father disappeared and took time to study her friend closely. She didn't like what she saw at all. He was still too pale, hooked up to an oximeter and a drip. She fought the urge to reach out for his hand and take it into hers. He really needed his rest, she didn't want to disturb him.

She remembered the time when he had stitched her hand, his gentle technique and his care for her. How he'd helped her with her mother, with the house and the fall-out after her mother had died. It was with his help that she'd managed to take care of her father; it was how she'd coped with seeing her father suffering from the loss. She had had fantasies about him, about what it would be like to have him as her boyfriend.

Martha would always remember the day she'd kissed him and his hesitant response, then her father standing in the doorway looking awfully mad.

A nervous chuckle escaped her lips at the thought and she hastily reached up with her hand to cover her mouth.

Joseph slowly moved his head slightly but he didn't open his eyes.

She did love him then, or at least she thought she did. She loved to think of what could have been. Now, though, she'd married Ben, on her wild dash through the US in order to forget everything at home and take a break from the studies. She'd thought that was love at first sight, but then she had been drunk and giggled all the evening. They'd shared a beer and then two and then too many. They'd struck up a friendship and found out that they had so much in common – and that they were both impulsive. They had married happily and then hit the road. Life had been a marvellous adventure; she had followed Ben and met people that she would never have done otherwise.

Martha's smile, that had been growing into a grin since she thought back on the US stay, vanished as she was brought back to reality. She'd wanted to surprise her dad and she'd really succeeded doing so but not in a good way. He was disappointed in her. Then to make matters worse, Ben had got sick, and had been admitted to the hospital. On top of that one of her best friends now lay in a hospital bed before her, having almost lost his life a couple of hours earlier.

"Martha?" a soft, weary voice said.

She tore her gaze away from the imagined spot on the far wall, pleasantly surprised. "Joe," she said. This time she reached out to take his hand into hers.

The CT registrar hesitated for a fleeting moment but then squeezed her hand. "Martha? What are you doing here?" he croaked out hoarsely.

"I just wanted to talk to you," she reasoned with a shrug of her shoulders. "You know, it's been a while."

Joseph said nothing, he didn't really know what to say at first. "I heard you went…" He swallowed, trying to prevent the coughing fit that was threatening to overcome him.

Martha was no nurse but she had been a good volunteer at the hospital almost a year ago. She quickly reached for the glass of water standing on the small night stand next to his bed.

"Here, drink this," she said worriedly as she held the glass to his lips.

Dull blue eyes looked at her, silently thanking her as he gulped down the cold liquid. It was soothing to his raw throat. The intubation tube had irritated the respiratory tract, and the toxic waste he'd inhaled for hours back in the theatre still affected him more than he liked to admit.

"Easy," Martha cautioned as she took away the glass.

Joseph tilted his head backwards again to let it come to rest on the pillows, closed his eyes and sighed.

"I was terrified," Martha said sombrely, her voice no more than a whisper.

Joseph blinked tired eyes open, looking at her, slightly uncomprehending, as if realizing she was there for the first time.

"First it was mom, then dad grieving her. Then my trip to the US where I met Ben – I thought for a while back there that I was finally happy…" she looked at him seriously, her voice faltering. Then she continued, her voice stronger. "Our trip back here, surprising dad, Ben getting sick. Then you, cooped up in here."

"Give Elliot some time, Martha, it's been pretty rough around here. He's had a lot on his mind," Joseph reasoned.

She smiled a bit nervously. "So everyone keeps telling me," she replied.

"See?" he said with a faint smile on his own.

"Dad said I should have waited, and maybe he was right," she said, wanting to hear what he thought.

"Only you can say, Martha," Joseph whispered. He was tired now, his eyes threatening to close.

"We haven't really been through anything together…," she reasoned, wringing her hands together. "I mean, nothing bad."

"Mm," Joseph returned, not really listening anymore.

Martha took the hint. "I'm sorry, Joe, I'm such an idiot," she declared. "Talking about myself all the time. The truth is I don't know what else to do. I don't handle close to death things very well."

"No one's going to die," the CT registrar whispered as he successfully, this time, managed to open his eyes to look at her. "Not Ben and certainly not me."

Martha gently squeezed his shoulder. "Thanks, Joe. You're a true friend. I'm so glad for you and Faye," she said.

Joseph only nodded in response, the last statement triggering memories from theatre, locked away with Jac.

"She seems genuine and caring – not like Jac Naylor," Martha finished as she moved to stand.

Something dark clouded the CT registrar's blue eyes for a moment but Martha didn't notice. "Yes, I love Faye," he replied.

"Thanks for listening to my ramblings," she said, truly appreciating having someone who she could talk to.

"Anytime," he returned sincerely, gradually sinking deeper in a healing sleep.

"Get well, Joe," Martha said, heading for the door.

OOOOOO

CT registrar Jac Naylor crashed on her bed, shoes still on. The little energy she'd had left when she left the hospital was now gone. She was thrown into a restless slumber, all the impressions of the day threatening to overcome her.

Once, Jac snapped her eyes open, calling out for Joseph, her heart hammering in her chest. She forced herself to take deep breaths and calm down, realizing it had all been a dream.

Then again, it hadn't really been a dream, it had been _her_ reliving reality. _Her_ telling him she loved him and _he_ telling her he still had feelings for her too. _He_ who had stopped breathing and _she_ who had attempted to save his life, so terribly afraid he would die there on the cold floor of Darwin theatre two.

She craved for his strong arms, longed for his presence next to her as she lay there shivering, watching the clock as it slowly past three thirty in the morning.

Jac swallowed, feeling a tickle in her throat, cursing the toxic waste. She reached for the water bottle on the night stand and greedily gulped down the last of its contents, still not knowing who it really belonged to.

She forced herself up, despite the muscles protesting the action. Tiredly, yet full of adrenaline from her dream, she pulled off her shoes, shrugged out of her jumper and pants and got under the bedcovers.

After a while Jac once again fell asleep. This time it was free of dreams and images.

OOOOOO

He coughed, feeling like he would dispose of his lungs through the mouth. He curled slightly on the bed, trying to get away from the fit he was having. Joseph Byrne was not really aware of his surroundings as his hand prodded the area next to him, found the water glass and promptly managed to send it flying.

The crash of the glass called on his awareness and his eyes snapped open, his breathing shallow and rapid, his forehead and upper lip covered in a thin sheen of perspiration.

A monitor beeped angrily next to him and he glanced down at his finger to see the oximeter wasn't there anymore. At least he'd gotten rid of the heart monitor earlier and for that he was grateful because he was fairly sure it would have given him away, given his elevated heart rate away.

Then he heard the door as it swung open and someone coming his way.

A young nurse gently clipped the oximeter back on his finger and did a quick check up on him, making sure he was indeed all right. The IV bag was gone already and for that Joseph was grateful.

"I'll get you some water," she said kindly to him. "How are you feeling? Any pain or aches?"

"I'm fine," he said in a strained voice but he managed to sound fairly convincing. "Water would be wonderful."

"Then I'll be right back," she returned.

"_I will never feel for anyone else what I feel for you,"_ Jac's words echoed in his head and, for some reason, he could shake them off.

He had loved her with all his heart. Had wanted to start a family with her but she had deceived him. She'd used him to get a better position and then moved on to secure it by sucking up to his father. The one and only, famous heart surgeon – Charles Byrne.

She had shattered his heart, broken it in a million pieces. His world was set in darkness, his family destroyed as his parents divorced, people gossiping about him. It set him on edge, caused his OCD to worsen. Then Faye had saved him; saved him from himself as Harry had been admitted on Keller. Then their friendship had evolved into something more, something stronger.

Of course he'd told Jac he loved Faye but she said he was in denial. She said it was simple now, she needed him, wanted him. And for a while he had been tempted to throw it all away and give in to her – wanting her words to be true. But then he had to face reality, he couldn't trust Jac, not after what she'd done.

"Too much has happened. You have hurt me too much," he whispered, echoing the words he'd spoken in theatre.

The hard, sometimes manipulating, woman had cried. It wasn't like Jac to cry. A part of him still wanted her, despite everything that had happened. That was the last thing he remembered from the events in Darwin theatre two.

"I'm sorry, it took longer than I expected," the young nurse said apologetically as she came back and placed a fresh glass of water next to him. "Rest now, Mr. Byrne. I will be back to check on you later."

Joseph nodded. He was literally asleep before she had walked out of the room.

OOOOOO

Linden Cullen ran a hand through his short hair then took off his glasses to rub his tired eyes. He'd fallen asleep in his office after coming from the chapel. He liked to sit there to contemplate on things when it was stressful around him. He'd lit a candle for Joseph, wishing him a speedy recovery, hoping that Faye would be able to sleep when she got home.

Their relationship was like a roller coaster, yet they clung to each other for support and happiness. Linden wouldn't go as far as to say he was happy for them but he was glad that Faye seemed to be happy.

Faye had been devastated when she sought him out the day before, telling him about the lock down. He'd been surprised no one had told him what was going on. She'd shown him a letter in which Joseph declared his love for her and he'd reluctantly read it. Seeing how worried she was and what her fear for Joseph's life did to her, he decided then that he could never tell her how he felt about her. Faye's heart belonged to Joseph.

Linden could still see her worried face before him as he sat there in his office with all the blinds down. He reached for his phone and called up Faye's number but hesitated before pushing the button. He really shouldn't.

A knock on the office door brought him out of his musings and his thoughts about talking to Faye.

"Mr. Cullen?" Sr. Donna Jackson said. "We need your help."

OOOOOO

Clinical CT lead Connie Beauchamp stalked into the ITU, pleased to see the CT registrar more alert.

"Joseph," she acknowledged. "I'm glad to see some color has returned to your face."

"Mrs. Beauchamp," he replied politely with a smile. "Is there any chance I might get out of here?"

She stopped next to his bed, checked him out then tilted her head to study him. "Your stats are almost back to normal but I don't think you should leave just yet," she replied.

"Come on…" he said and coughed slightly.

"I think that speaks for itself – don't you?" she returned. "Your oxygen sats are still a bit too low for my liking and, although, your temperature is down, you're still experiencing muscle and joint aches – am I right?"

"Where are the discharge papers," Joseph asked undeterred by her nonchalant tone of voice, ignoring her point, reluctantly taking his hand away from his aching side.

"Is he giving you trouble?" Elliot Hope broke in as he walked up to them.

"Our registrar wants to leave the premises," Connie filled in dryly, yet in a caring way.

Elliot pursed his lips and folded his arms across his chest, looking at the bedridden doctor. "Joseph," he began in an admonishing voice, clearly not taking his part in the matter. "I don't think you're well enough yet."

Joseph let out a sigh of frustration. "The twenty-four-hour observation time has passed and I feel fine," he reasoned. "Jac didn't even need that."

"Jac didn't stop breathing in theatre, Joseph," Elliot scolded.

An awkward silence hung in the air.

"Joseph, Elliot is right," Connie spoke up. "You do need to take it easy and rest. How about a compromise? We put you in Holby Care for the day and see how you're feeling?"

"Fine," the CT registrar muttered.

"Good boy," Elliot said happily.

OOOOOO

GS Consultant Michael Spence pulled into his parking lot and killed the engine of his Mercedes SUV. He sighed in frustration, leaned back against the headrest, closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. Yesterday had been one of those days, one of those bad days he really could do without.

He silently cursed Ric Griffin for instigating a zero tolerance protocol resulting in Jayne going at Annalese as she got a positive result on the breathalyzer. She in turn blamed him for sleeping with Nurse Donna Jackson, ruining their relationship and cause her to screw up at work.

Michael made a face as he straightened in the driver seat and opened the door, grabbed his portfolio and headed for the entrance. Yesterday hadn't been just his and Annalese's bad day. Lit candles in the foyer reminded him of the tragic death of the good natured and happy anesthetic nurse, Maryanne.

Several of his colleagues had put beautiful flowers next to a photograph of the smiling deceased woman and he looked at her sadly as he pushed the button for the lift.

It took only a moment for the lift to arrive and the doors opened to reveal an angry Mrs. Beauchamp.

"Connie," Michel acknowledged.

"Michael," she returned in a short tone of voice, her arms folded across her chest and her eyes wandering to the red ring around the 6th floor, obviously not pleased for the lift to take a detour to the ground floor.

"How are things up on Darwin?" he asked carefully, following her gaze at the button as he pushed number four. "Are Jac and Joseph okay?"

Connie huffed. "They're on the mend but not thanks to Grayson and Griffin," she said bitterly. "If they had had the guts to act earlier then perhaps even Maryanne had been alive now and, let me tell you, had the hazmat team not arrived when they did, thanks to Sister Morton of all people, Joseph would probably not have made it."

Michael involuntarily took a step backwards as he could almost feel the anger radiating through every fiber of Connie Beauchamp's body. "I won't defend him," he said truthfully, indicating Ric as he raised his hands in a gesture of surrender in front of him. He had his own quarrels with the current Head of Surgery, concerning his wife.

"Forgot your head at home today, Mr. Spence?" Connie asked dryly.

Michael looked at her dumbfounded and realized they'd arrived at the floor housing the Keller ward. Spotting Nurse Donna Jackson just outside the elevator doors he hesitated, then shrugged. "I just remembered I had some business to attend to at Holby Care," he told the CT Consultant.

Connie made a face, raising an impeccable eyebrow. "Really?" she said as she caught the sheepish look on the nurse outside.

OOOOOO

Faye Morton walked through the entrance of the Wyern Wing and shuddered at the picture of Maryanne, reminding her of how close she'd come to lose Joseph. Feeling an urgent need to see him she deviated from her path to the crowded elevators and took the staircase.

"Faye," Maria said softly as she met her one floor up. "I thought you should know that Joseph has been brought to Holby Care."

"Thanks, I really appreciate you telling me," she said, wondering at the same time why he was still admitted. It raised alarm bells at the back of her head as she continued upward.

She took a deep breath, grabbing hold of the door to the private ward on the hospital and noticed with dismay that her hand trembled slightly.

However, her worry for Joseph was not warranted and it quickly turned into annoyance as she spotted him in the waiting area, clad in a hospital gown with a robe draped over it, obviously in an argument with Michael Spence.

"You're not leaving, Mr. Byrne and that's final," Michael said in a steady voice that held no room for argument.

"I'm fine," Joseph returned, undeterred, his voice equally steady but then he launched into a cough that didn't exactly sit well with his statement.

"You are white as a sheet, your sats are still a bit too low and you're exhausted. Bottom line, Joseph…," Mr. Spence replied, pointing a finger at the stubborn CT registrar. "…you need to get back to bed whether you like it or not. Get a couple of hours of rest, at least, and then – _maybe_ I will fetch some release papers for you."

Faye's annoyance once again morphed into concern at Michael's words and she quickly closed the distance to them.

"Faye, I suggest you talk some sense into him," Spence said, turning to walk away.

Faye gently hooked her arm around Joseph's. "Come on now, you just lost the argument and, if I may say so, you look a bit worse for wear," she teased softly.

OOOOOO

Linden Cullen thanked the woman in the cafeteria as she handed him a fresh cup of coffee and turned to the table at which every member of staff seemed to have put flowers and candles for the deceased. It reminded him of his wife for some reason. The tragic events that lead to him losing her. He shrugged off the unwelcome feeling of sadness and took a sip of the hot coffee, he hadn't known Maryanne very well.

He was just about to walk over to the elevators as he spotted Jac Naylor coming through the entrance doors. Her jaw was set and she looked ready for a fight. It was ironic that, despite their differences, they wanted the same thing – to have Joseph and Faye go separate ways. He was feeling ashamed of it but he was certain Jac had no qualms about it.

However, the CT registrar stopped before coming to the elevator doors and put down a large bouquet of roses next to the picture of the anesthetic nurse. She whispered something Linden couldn't make out and then headed for the staircase.

Jac Naylor saw the AAU Consultant in her periphery vision but decided to ignore him. She didn't like Linden Cullen, he was definitely not her type in any way. She bet he'd been with Faye when she and Joseph had been locked away in theatre. It was just such a shame that Faye didn't realize that the man was in love, or at least, deeply affected by her. Then maybe she would leave Joseph alone.

She stomped up the stairs in disappointment, she couldn't really get Joseph's words out of her head. _"I want to put the clocks back just as much as you do – but I can't…"_ He'd hurt her more than she cared to admit. She had feelings, plenty of them in fact, it was just that once she released them she would get hurt over and over again. It had always been like that, she'd told him it was complicated.

Jac sighed as she found herself standing outside the doors to the Darwin Ward.

"Miss Naylor," Elliot greeted with a smile as she walked in. "How are you feeling? I really thought you would take a few days off."

"Nah," she waved a hand at him dismissively. "I'm fine, just need something to do. I'm not good at doing nothing at home."

"Hmpf," the CT Consultant grumbled. "Well, I'll let you take some minor cases but only…" he stabbed a finger at her. "…only if everything checks out. I want to do a cursory examination."

Jac nodded in appreciation. "Fine, but I'm telling you, I'm okay and I ought to know," she replied.

"Just a precaution, Jac," Elliot excused as he motioned for her to lead the way.

She took a deep breath walking through the busy corridors of the CT ward and into an examination room. "How's Joseph?" she asked, careful not to give away the concern in her voice.

Elliot chuckled slightly. "He's getting better but he's still not good enough to be discharged. Although he doesn't see it that way," Mr. Hope filled in diplomatically.

Jac laughed bitterly as Elliot gently placed the stethoscope on her back to listen to her lungs. "He can be quite persistent when his mind is set on something," she agreed.

"Breathe in," Elliot instructed. "Good and then breathe out." Satisfied with her lungs he moved on to check on her heart.

"Just get on with it Elliot, I need something to do," Jac said and then switched subject. "Is he still in ITU?"

"No, he's in Holby Care at the moment," Elliot answered curiously, knowing whom she was asking about. "Are you going to visit him?"

"Nope, I just wondered, that's all," she quickly explained.

Leaving Elliot to wonder what exactly had transpired in the theatre.

OOOOOO

Anne-Marie Byrne walked through the doors to Holby City Hospital. The last time she'd been there she'd been the Chairman of the Byrne Foundation and worked very close with Mr. Hope. She really hoped he wouldn't be nearby at the moment because she wasn't sure she could cope with that. This hospital had been nothing but heartbreaking to her. First Charles had found love in a much younger woman, their oldest son's girlfriend, which caused havoc in the family and led to their divorce. Then he'd hastily died, leaving her alone. Their youngest son, Harry, had not too long ago lost his life at the same place due to complications after surgery. As if that wasn't enough, Sophia had contacted her urgently, forwarding words from Mr. Hope that Joseph was in a bad way.

"Mrs. Byrne," Connie Beauchamp said, coming from the cafeteria.

"Connie, I'm glad I caught you," she said relieved. "Where is Joseph? Is he all right?"

Mrs. Beauchamp gave a tight smile but reassuring nevertheless. "He's all right, at least he will be. We have moved him from ITU to Holby Care," she said.

Anne-Marie stiffened at the mention of Holby Care, the image of Harry lying dead before her. "What happened?" she managed.

Connie steered her toward the elevators. "Some idiot drove toxic waste illegally, endangering my staff. One of the anesthetists died, she was beyond saving," she explained.

"The poor young woman on the photo?" Mrs. Byrne asked.

"Yes," Connie replied as they walked into the lift. "We managed to get Joseph and Jac out just in time. However, not before he stopped breathing. Joseph had to be intubated, the situation was quite critical for a few hours."

Anne-Marie slowly reached up with her hand to cover her mouth.

"He will be fine. I just wanted you to know," Connie finished.

OOOOOO

Faye Morton smiled at the sight of Joseph Byrne sound asleep in the hospital bed. He really needed it. She had come so close to losing him yesterday and she hadn't slept very well. The thought of not having had the chance to properly talk to him about her feelings before he'd been whisked away on a stretcher to ITU had been disconcerting to say at least. She had been so afraid. She'd known his condition was slowly deteriorating in theatre and she'd been frustrated with Jayne Grayson's originally inactive way of dealing with the whole incident.

When Joseph had called Elliot, reporting about Maryanne's death, her hearth had leapt up in her throat and her hands had been shaking. All she had wanted was to hold him, to feel his warmth and strong arms around her once again. Then, when Jac's frantic call to Elliot had come through she'd thought she would be losing it. Joseph was dying before her eyes.

When they'd finally gotten to the theatre she'd froze on the spot, the hazmat team had been pumping air into his lungs while they readied him for the transport out of there. He looked so fragile, pale; he looked dead. Her heart had broken at the sight and she had sobbed. Elliot had gently comforted her, his kind and encouraging words breaking through her haze, calming her down.

Now, here he was, recuperating and well enough to leave soon. Just like Linden had told her. Joseph wouldn't let anything stop them from getting back together. Faye took one last look at him before silently tiptoeing out of the room and carefully closed the door.

OOOOOO

Michael Spence looked up from the file he'd been studying, trying to get Ric and Jayne off Annalese's back and rubbed his forehead, feeling the beginning of a headache. He'd screwed up and now his marriage was in danger. The cracks that had formed earlier were threatening to burst, to cause a rift between them so big that it would never be sealed again. He was determined to get out of it, to get on with life as it had been, together with his wife and children. All this nonsense for nothing, for a one night stand with Donna Jackson. Actually, he didn't see it that way but Annalese blamed her mistake in theatre on it and now he had to cover it up – one way or another.

He was brought out of his musings by a knock on the door. "Come in," he said.

Anne-Marie Byrne stepped through the door.

Michael got up, forgetting about his own problems, and shook her hand. "Mrs. Byrne, I'm sorry we always seems to meet under bad circumstances," he said.

"I hear you've done a good job as the Chairman of our Foundation," she returned politely, not wanting to be reminded of Harry's passing. "Now, I need to see my son. Is he all right?"

"Of course," Spence said. "Yes, he's on the mend. If you would follow me, please."

They walked in silence through the white and crisp corridor till they reached a room further down. The American Consultant opened the door and motioned for her to walk in.

Anne-Marie smiled sadly as she glanced at her son, his skin white as porcelain. "Joseph," she whispered as she walked up to him.

He stirred at the sound of her voice, his eyes slowly focusing on her. "Mother?" he asked confused.

"Yes, darling, I'm home," she said softly. "Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine, you didn't need to come home," he said, trying to be reassuring, but she could easily hear the strain in his voice.

"I had to," she admonished. "Sophia called me in the middle of the night telling me we'd almost lost you!"

Joseph swallowed at his mother's concerned voice.

"I can't bear losing you too, Joseph. I just can't," she added, her voice so filled with emotion it hurt him to listen.

"Joseph will be fine, Mrs. Byrne," Michael quickly reassured her.

"Actually, Mr. Spence was just about to file the relief forms for me," he said cunningly.

Michael chuckled. "Is that so?" he asked meeting the CT registrar's eyes.

The American Consultant raised his hands in a gesture of mock surrender. "Fine, but I'm not letting you out before I've examined you," he added.

"Then you're coming home with me," Anne-Marie said sternly.

"Mom, I…" he began stubbornly yet politely.

"No, that's not open for debate," she admonished. "I'm going to make sure you're all right because you're not fooling me. It's pretty clear to me you're not well, darling."

"Mom, please, I'm not a child anymore," he replied, somewhat annoyed over the fuss.

Anne-Marie smiled at him, couldn't help it as she saw the put out look on his face. "You're always going to be my little boy whether you like it or not," she said softly.

OOOOOO

Jac Naylor was having a fairly good day so far. She'd managed her patient care and attended a surgery. She had been surprised at herself hesitating, even if it was only a few seconds, when she was about to enter the room. Darwin Theatre Two, the same place where she and Joseph had been sitting, on the floor, waiting to be rescued. After a few deep breaths she'd managed to calm down and help Elliot with the surgery – a valve replacement. So then here she was, stepping out of the elevator at the ground floor, heading for the hot coffee she'd been fantasizing about for the last hour.

The ground floor was a busy department but today it seemed awfully quiet and the queue to the cafeteria was manageable, it wouldn't even do to call it a queue. Jac frowned, nevertheless, grateful for the lack of people and ordered a fresh cup of coffee which she got immediately.

As she turned around, setting out to get back to the ward, she stopped in mid-step as she spotted Joseph Byrne stepping out of the elevator flanked by his mother and Faye. Their eyes met for an instant and she thought she'd seen a faint smile crease his lips so she returned it. She saw the worried glances his keepers sent between them, but he obviously didn't care about the fuss as he straightened and walked toward the entrance doors. Jac sighed, her lips pursed together into a thin line of displeasure. She had wanted to be the one at his side. He still looked sick and she still cared for him. Instead, she watched Faye sneak her arm around Joseph's, whispering something to him.

Jac glared at the woman slowly taking her place beside him and then, as she turned slightly toward the staircase, she saw Linden Cullen stare after them too. They looked at each other for a moment, Linden nodding slowly at her before turning away. It had been a look of understanding passing between them.

The CT registrar took a sip of her coffee, the sound of Joseph Byrne's voice echoing in her head. _"We've had our time."_ Her fingers tightened around the warm plastic cup in her hand. "No," she whispered.

OOOOOO

The End

_/If you read this; thank you for your time. I really hope you liked it and, please, leave me review if you can spare the time. My apologies for such a long one chapter story :)_


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